the very FIRST step (:
it was until now,
that i realised..
its not easy...
if only,
if only you knew~
i dont know how do i bring it across to you..
my heart thumps so hard, so fast...
everytime i see you, hear you or even talk to you.
sometimes i blame myself for feeling that way..
for making myself feel and think the impossible.
but you really brought sunshine into my life,
making me feel so safe, even not in your arms.
i really sincerely hope this isn't the end yet..
for i really hope there's much more for us behind...
finally, a step taken by me and HIM.
chat over msn, trying to understand each other better.
and definitely, i got to know hell lot of things. hah (:
though still feeling rather ''stranger'' to one another..
but i believe things should go on fine..
God Bless me, please~
Vi veri veniversum vivus vici.
i haven't been sleeping well.
everyday sleep for that less than 4 hours.
and i seriously need another 927472364 hours of sleep.
bloody DnT tomorrow for a good 3 hours.
early morning from 8am onwards ):
then gotta rush home for a change.
and elsewhere to meet some people,
and head to TP for bloody annual sports day. arghs.
lastly, the best part is.....
the damn sports day is from 2 onwards.
all the way to 5pm. but i believe it'll drag. SIGHS.
wont be able to go for work this saturday.
cos poor me, have to go to school in the morning.
or perhaps not school already.
my bloody SL group have to meet up for a discussion.
and i really dread going. AAAHHHHHH~
school hasn't been anywhere better.
it's just, okays lah.
nothing much to update about.
for school's really boring.
just that we never fail to GOSSIP.
and basically, that makes our lives in school worthwhile.
BWAHAHAHAS =D
well, it's 0100 hours already.
and i should be sleeping.
cos the DnT lesson is energy consuming.
shall stop here,
and update as and when i've things to share.
good nite people~
missing you (:
somedays i make it through,
but there are nights that never seems to end.
(extracted from Irene)
a sudden rush of wanting to be in love.
a sudden gush of sadness filled my heart.
so suddenly, i came to think of him.
so much, so much that it made me cry.
and out of nowhere, i saw him, his buddy.
there again, i started to let my mind run wild.
i really really hope i could put him down,
together with the past and start afresh.
i dont wanna be feeling hurt
everytime i think of him.
not anymore...
i have no clear idea what is it. is it just a crush, or am i serious about it? or maybe, i'm just thinking a little too much. somehow it seems like i really like him. he really is a very very nice guy. but we're not even friends yet. so how is it even possible to talk about love? i so so very much wanna make friends with him.. many people told me to go for it. but it seems like i've lost the courage to. many may not know who he is. but people who went for the SL camp should know. but well well. there's actually nothing much to say. unless i become friends with him, really.
well, enough about love, relationships, etc. the cousins outing yesterday was a blast!! but before that, i had to wake up at 9 for SL meeting. headed to cp's kfc for breakfast with the group. which includes: kelly, pc, sebas, lucas, faizal, siying, mich, baith, monkey. slackked at kfc for like 2 hours? then headed to 201's basketball court. had bball games, etc. basically, it was like working out lah. then headed back home around 1430. got changed, and headed to granny's. had pizza for dinner. then headed to chinatown's partyworld. k with practically all the cousins. after k-ing, we went for supper at 1am. got home at around 2am and dropped dead. i was dead beat, and still is..
school resumes tomorrow. how sad. the weekends seem to fly past. i really am hoping the June holidays will come soon. i really really need the break. oh yah. i really look forward to June as... im going overseas to Perth for a school trip!! the activities are like so damn fun!! and it's winter season!! i really so so so look forward to it =D by the way, i have yet to complete my chinese compo =x it has been with me for 3 weeks. HAHA. im so gonna die tomorrow lohs. cos initially, i was to hand it up to her last wed. but, yes ah!! she didnt come!! hahah. sighs. i have to hand it up to her tmr. but i've no mood to do the compo. and of course, other homework. i really am tired.
and i really wanna go sleep. SIGHS. bcos of studies, i'm so very deprived of SLEEP. I HATE SCHOOL!!!
alrights, there're many many parties coming up.. the two that might have more people going is.. PIMPFACTORY feat. Devils&Angels on the 29th at CHIJMES hall, and this party at Phunk Bar on the 1st of April!! people who wanna come along to Phunk Bar, let me know. i'll be able to get cheap tickets.. (:
okays, i gotta go.
the entry's a little too lengthy..
and i'm tired, very very tired..
so, good night all (:
till then.
yesterday i looked into the sky
and stared hard at the many stars
they twinkle and shone so brightly
as though they knew how i'm feeling inside
i believe they knew exactly how i felt
'cos i feel for no one except for you.
Romp at Zouk on the 16 is.... Sad to say, but okay only. Didnt had much fun there though i was expecting
more MUCH MORE actually. The event as described was like, WOAH!! But, well... Forget it. Things do change unexpectedly.. The first half of the event was like
shit OHMYGOD. The DJ didnt really do a good job. The people were all stiff and stuff. However, things turned for a change, a BIG change i'd say after the change of DJ at about 12+ in the midnight. His title of being reowned in Asia area sure didnt came about just by the words of mouths i swear!!! He's awesome! Had a great time
dirtydancing and crazy drinking with xuan's friends..
And got very much irritated after being rubbed against countless of times.. But i did enjoy looking at the hot babes and hunks dancing.. There were many of them there.... But still, i didnt fail to catch a glimpse of those street-style ''babes''.
In short, the ah lians. Well well, couldn't be bothered about it. Happened to see Fatt, Chong, Zhan, Ron and co. there. And a fight nearly broke out between them and xuan's bf. I had a tough and diffcult time trying to cool both sides down as Fatt & co. are my brothers while the other side was my friend's bf.
I hate to see people i'm close with in a fight. It's heartbreaking. Apart from them, i saw Ben&co., Shane&friends, Kelly&co. and many familliar faces. So basically, i had a fun time there lah. Haha.
After the event, headed to Macs at Shaw House. Slackked with xuan and friends till around 5+ 6 then cabbed home. Went to school like 3 hours after i reached home. And dropped dead the moment i reached home. So basically, i skipped work. HAHAHA. My mommy cant stand me for skipping work, but well well. I WAS TIRED. Hah. Gonna head to tampines to get my transflash card for my poooor phone later. Then back home nua and watch tv. And if i dont feel tired, i'll finish up my last bits of my holidays assignments. Haha.
Alright, the entry's getting a little lengthy. Have no idea when i'll blog again. Maybe soon, or maybe i'll leave it rotting for some time first and wait till i've things to share.
Last but not least before i forgets, Congrats to both Shirley and Darlene =D
Till then (:
why is it that i never fail to think of him,
when i'm at pasir ris?
its gonna be the 11th month,
that we've broken up...
but the wound still seem so raw...
thou it doesnt hurt that much anymore..
but it doesnt mean it does not hurt anymore.. i still misses him.. 'cos he've never gave me a reason to forget him..
just when i wanted to cry,
as i was asked to forget him..
he reminded me of many many things.. and told me many things that touched me deeply..
tell me. how is it possible to forget him?
perhaps i've really began to move on..
'cos i no longer see myself
being that dumb..
waiting for a particular someone,
while he's happily enjoying his life...
but really, deep down from my heart..
if time could really really turn back...
i really wish that i could be with him again..
Dear Johan,it may seems farmilliar to you..but promise me you'll never forget this.."If Fate permits one day we'd be more than friends again, i definitely won't let the chance i'm given slip away. This i promise you... but for now, we can be the BEST OF FRIENDS/DARLINGS we can ever be, and don't forget i'll always be around if you need a listening ear or just a shoulder to lie on.."i hate to say this..but i guess, i still love you.but one thing that i'm certain of..is that.. i still misses you, as before and as always <3
[EDITED]
I AM FUCKING IN LOVE WITH CRISTAL. !! SHE'S ONE DAMN BLEEDING GORGEOUS SUPERMODEL. !! I WANNA SHAG HER. !! can someone pass me that damn condom!? WE HAVE LESBIAN ORGY WITH OTHER MODELS AND WE MAKE BABIES EVERY FORTNIGHT. AND HELL YEAH! THEY'RE LOOKIN' SO DAMN GOOD WITH JUST THEIR HUGGIES DIAPERS ON. SEXAYE BUTTS. -SORRY TO DIGRESS ..- BACK TO CRISTALOVE. YEA, SHE WINS BEAUTY PAGEANTS LIKE NO ONE'S BUSINESS. PLUS SHE PARTIES WITH THE LIKES OF PARIS HILTON, NICOLE RITCHIE, USHER, JACK NEOAND VIVIAN CHOONG. YEAH, THAT'S ME :] AND BEFORE I END THIS *CRISTAL IDOLISATION* I'D LIKE TO APPEAL TO MY FAITHFUL BLOG READERS TO REALLY CHECK THIS SIZZLING HOT CATWALK QUEEN OUT. YES, DO IT .. RIGHT NOW. !! [/EDITED]
back from camp (:
overall, it was a good one.
except that my grp wasnt that active.
and, my instructors aint that good.
but well well, i enjoyed it pretty much.
and several instructors were.....
oh-so-nice-looking cum friendly!!! LOL!!
and i sorta love my group mates...
except for the few... retarded asses. haha.
but ireally really had a fun time..
esp with flor, oscar, edmund, etc.. haha (:
actually, come to talk about it..
this year started out pretty well.
not really that bad actually..
my first term results were fantastic.
math is improving, and i topped POA.
however, i'm pretty upset of my english..
and i particularly dislike my english teacher.
i have never ever failed english.
never once, i wonder how i failed it.
and english is an important subject.
i seriously am very very upset by it.
period.
for this year, up till todate..
school has started out well,
family matters still exist,
and my love life brought me to depresssion.
though im on my way of recovering...
but there're times im unwillingly to let go...
but i know ihave to.. so that i can meet
someone new someone better, someone
who loves me for who i really am.. and not
who they wants me to be...
but its never that easy to meet someone
like that. cos the world is big... and...
i have yet to find the courage to love again.
i dare not let others step into my wrold,
i dare not let myself step into others'
world..
for i'm afraid that i'll be hurt...
and that i'll hurt others...
maybe the time is really not right yet..
but all i know for now...
i've to keep on moving, keep on trusting..
i believe love will come by one day..
with the right guy, at the right time.
well well. enough about love..
i shouldn't be upset when he's happily in
love. RIGHT RIGHT??? hahaha.
alright alright. gonna go off already.
cos i'm running outta things to say. LOL.
till then (:
its been ages since i've actually blogged.. everything seem so weird to me.. as though i've never seen it before.. maybe its because of my long absence.. maybe its because i dont want to remember.. whichever it is, i dont wanna know. all i want is just to be happier than now~
on 18th April 1991, the day i came on earth.. was the first time i got held by grandparents. in the year 2004, when i turned thirteen.. i realised the importance of everyone in my family. in the year 2005, when i was fourteen.. a bad news fell upon everyone of us... my grandfather would be leaving us in 6 months. in the year 2006, when the condition worsen, i was asked to visit my grandpa more often..
but i often couldnt find the time... or perhaps i didnt put in enough effort to find time.. on the 27th Feb 2006, my grandpa left us.. i being so unfilial, didnt get to see him for the last time.
that was when i cried, filling my heart with deep regrets. its been a week and 3 days, my grandpa left the earth. and i misses him.. misses the days with him around. all i could say.. is that i'll never forget him... he's a wonderful man, a wonderful grandpa to me... May God really Bless him wherever he is now~
its now the tenth month.. despite being single for this long..
(not very long though, I KNOW) i seriously found no one who could secure my heart. no one made me felt safe and really happy. are my expectations too high? or am i being lazy, not searching for the one? or because deep in my heart, theres still him? i know i couldnt let go of him so easily.. i know my heart's still missing him.. there's seriously nothing i could do.. except to wait like a fool and wish him happiness~
school's been fine. nothing special in particular happened. was all the usual ramblings & crappings. and not forgetting.... the usual not-paying-attention in class.
errrs, only in english and chinese class okays!!! =p well, in some sense, i love my class. but in the other sense, i hate it. haha. now i really believe... there's 2 or more phase to everything. hah. i love chem today. i love my class today. and not not not ever forgetting... I LOVE MYSELF =D cos i finished 80% of my holidays hw!!!
three cheers to Vivian~!!!! bwahahas =) however, i really hate one thing about school. which is the leadership camp in 24hrs time... i freaking hate it. and i so dont wanna attend. one, cos its freaking in school!!!
and we paid!!! two, cos we've to do Service Learning!!! three, it freaking eats up my whole weekend!! OH-MY-FREAKING-GOD.
i so wanna die. but well, at least there's one good thing about it. people like florence, edmund, oscar, lynn, etc...
are going!!! bwahahahas =D God, PLEASE BLESS that it'd be FUN.
AMEN**well, i realised one thing... i havent been pampering myself recently!!!
hehehe ^^ i need my energizer... i need Shopping, shopping and more shopping!! and talking about shopping... my head's getting bigger by the day. i dont know what to get for my dear Cristal. her birthday's on 11 march. she wanted to celebrate with me initially.. but the damn camp is going on. bloody toad!!! sorry love, will make up during the holidays. and i realised i've not much of time for work; during the holidays!!! BLOODY BLOODY TOAD!!! aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~!!!!
many meet-ups, many to-do(s), many outings. no time for family, love, work.. and its pissing me off damn badly!! cos i need to work for moolahs. they are running out!!! GOD SAVE ME PLEASE~
alright alrights. think im gonna stop here. i'm super duper ultra extreme longwinded. cos i super duper ultra extreme long didnt blog. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH =D okays lah. thats all for now. no idea when i'll be back. take care people..
till then.
love <3
